i think i'm having a midlife crisis.

i need a not-so-well-deserved break.

i need it, nonetheless.

call me crazy. i am.

i'm in love.

i was never interested in bands..until i came to UP.
certain people introduced me to them.
i could not imagine how they find it enchanting(!) to watch their favorite bands get drunk, go wild, shout unintellible(?) words in front of the crowd.

but last night, i became one of them. that adrenaline rush one feels when someone was screaming his lungs out til he gasps for air while the audience joins him was something beyond my realm of explanation.

the sacrifice of sleep is definitely worth it.

i love chito. and yes! i love jay.

make me fall for you. :)

spell R-A-N-D-O-M

• hola! me llamo shalimar. soy estudiante en el Unibersidad de Filipinas. mi madre llama nursiva y mi padre llama conrad. mis padres son empleados. (blank) that's the farthest i can get in my span. i sure am gonna suck tomorrow! so what am i doing here? procrastination. hell. i don't need this.

• UP fair! so many memories. it's been a year. life has changed so much. do i want this? has my life turned out the way it should? one thing's sure: it's not how i imagined it to be..
  

• birthday. i'm turning twenteen this month. oh no! i'm not a teen anymore! help! i'm getting old!

• there are a billion and one evidences that show how grown up we've become. from the things that we discuss, to the way we dress ourselves (no matter how hard we try to look younger, it really doesn't help much), to the experiences, to how people talk to you (they don't take us for granted anymore!), to the realization that our friends have been to so much pain that only grown-ups experience..
  

• and yet we still feel so young.. when we wake up in the mornings and want to cuddle back to sleep, of the uncertainties of the future, and the HOPE, that after everything has been said and done, we still turn out fine..be the great persons that our parents want us to be. someone they can be proud of..someone they can brag to their friends when they can't work anymore and just play poker at home with their kumpares and kumares..

• i miss my old self.. that trusting, innocent, happy person whose only problem is how to sneak out of the house to be with friends.. i also miss my old self.. the one with no exta FATS hahahaha.

• the world has become so complicated. my world is so confusing. where do i go. what do i do? why didn't my mommy teach me what to do in situations like these? am i really what people perceive me to be? or am i just a nobody who needs to do the same things everyone does?..

• i just want to be happy. i want my life back. in control.